Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.

There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.

There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.