There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.

The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty may not get you any where.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Human Dignity has gleamed only now and then and here and there, in lonely splendor, throughout the ages, a hope of the better men, never an achievement of the majority.

He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes.

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.