Care during old age

Its very sad incident that you have mentioned. Unfortunately such cases of elderly abuses are increasing. I personally feel that if such incidents occur on a daily basis and elderlies do not get support from anyone in the family, its better for them to stay in old age home. 

Having said that, the children should also remember that they were brought up by their parents and should learn to forgive any past mistakes and move ahead in life. After all they themselves will get old some day.

jabeen wrote:

Its very sad incident that you have mentioned. Unfortunately such cases of elderly abuses are increasing. I personally feel that if such incidents occur on a daily basis and elderlies do not get support from anyone in the family, its better for them to stay in old age home. 

Having said that, the children should also remember that they were brought up by their parents and should learn to forgive any past mistakes and move ahead in life. After all they themselves will get old some day.

Very true Jabeen, they dont realise that they are showing their true colors to their own children . Later, when they grow older they are bound to question their parents when the circumstances make them do it. It is very essential to be  understanding and compassionate towards our parents and other old people ..

It has become very common in our society where elders are suffering mainly for the property. A video was in news a couple of days ago that showed a couple both aged 68 said that their son and daughter-in-law were harassing them for the house they lived in. The elderly couple had already disowned their son for misbehavior but they son and his wife kept coming to their house to give them possession of the house. It was disheartening to see both of them weeping online and save their property and life. I sincerely hope that government will make stricter rules in such cases.

In Indian society it is very common. Most of children forgot all sacrifice that their parents done for them. They forget that property which their parents have, after them these are of them. Parents will not take with them. But at present children have not patience. 

suni51 wrote:

It has become very common in our society where elders are suffering mainly for the property. A video was in news a couple of days ago that showed a couple both aged 68 said that their son and daughter-in-law were harassing them for the house they lived in. The elderly couple had already disowned their son for misbehavior but they son and his wife kept coming to their house to give them possession of the house. It was disheartening to see both of them weeping online and save their property and life. I sincerely hope that government will make stricter rules in such cases.

I think there are some laws to ensure that children do not harass their parents or elderly relatives. If it can be implemented effectively it will be better

But more than legal methods, I feel that its more important to instill a sense of compassion and respect for elderlies to the younger generation.

This is so sad. Such things are only increasing now day by day with children becoming more concerned about money and possessions rather than relationships. The example you have given is quite common and there have been news in the recent past of children even resorting to beating old parents and throwing them out of houses. Maharashtra government has made changes in the law to address such issues and now the parents can actually file complaint against abusive children and also ask for alimony from the children for support in financial and medical aid. The Maharashtra has also given a few decisions in favor of parents against abusive children. Probably there is similar provision in the Karnataka judiciary too. Or she can seek help from elderly support groups in your city. Nowadays there are such support groups all over India. But ideally things shouldn't come to that, the children should themselves realise that little can be done to change the past and take care of the old parents.

Most of state have law for protecting parents from abusive children. But in India it is not easy to get relief from court. It may be take some years. For a old age person it is not possible to struggle in courts. 

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

I agree you reap as you sow unless of course the daughter in laws are smart enough to forget the past and make the mother in law realise her mistake through her own actions. I have seen that happen too...by the way there is no restriction whatsoever to take your parents to Baharain or any of tje UAE nations with a family visa. I have many relatives living in the gulf including Baharain with some of their parents living full time with them.

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

Micro family system is responsible for lack of rite in children. At present most of peoples are not interested in join family system. In joint family system children learn how to care elder. 

anil wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

Micro family system is responsible for lack of rite in children. At present most of peoples are not interested in join family system. In joint family system children learn how to care elder. 

True, nuclear families are detrimental to the society, atleast in our Country. But it is an individual choice.

Only practical education by way of taking students of schools and colleges to Old Age homes or creating some sort of debates, acts can improve the situation.

Whatever is within our capability, we should do for our parents.

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

I agree you reap as you sow unless of course the daughter in laws are smart enough to forget the past and make the mother in law realise her mistake through her own actions. I have seen that happen too...by the way there is no restriction whatsoever to take your parents to Baharain or any of tje UAE nations with a family visa. I have many relatives living in the gulf including Baharain with some of their parents living full time with them.

I was also thinking what kind of law is it that prohibits one from keeping their parents with them.

I feel that if everyone starts following the concept of as you sow so shall you reap, it ll only lead to more degradation in the moral value. Even if the in-laws had harassed the daughter-in-law in the early days but if they are repenting in their old age its better to forgive their past and take care in their old age. 

jabeen wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

I agree you reap as you sow unless of course the daughter in laws are smart enough to forget the past and make the mother in law realise her mistake through her own actions. I have seen that happen too...by the way there is no restriction whatsoever to take your parents to Baharain or any of tje UAE nations with a family visa. I have many relatives living in the gulf including Baharain with some of their parents living full time with them.

I was also thinking what kind of law is it that prohibits one from keeping their parents with them.

I feel that if everyone starts following the concept of as you sow so shall you reap, it ll only lead to more degradation in the moral value. Even if the in-laws had harassed the daughter-in-law in the early days but if they are repenting in their old age its better to forgive their past and take care in their old age. 

I agree , a little bit of give and take is very necessary in maintaining and nurturing relationships. When people are old,oast tjeir prine and helpless we need to look beyobd what happened in tne past ..

It is easy to point out mistakes of elderly and old, but we fail to look into our own big mistakes, which were easily pardoned by our parents in our childhood.

We do not realise the importance of forgiveness. Parents do not make mistakes, they happen due to situations. When anybody becomes a parent, they tend to be more responsible.

Just because the children who grow up are in some difficulties, it is not right to pick up a past matter, what use is it anyway? Anything comes back? Who are we to make them feel remorseful, when they have gone through every difficulty, only to see their children hale, healthy and feeling safe.

Also what is the point of making a person sad, depressed and miserly, at such an age?

Sometimes living with an elderly people can be very difficult, if they are still stuck up in past and are not ready to accept the changes around them. Then we need to maintain lots of patience while taking care of them. But I feel that if they are treated respectfully, even they will eventually accept the changes.

epraneeth77 wrote:

anil wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

Micro family system is responsible for lack of rite in children. At present most of peoples are not interested in join family system. In joint family system children learn how to care elder. 

True, nuclear families are detrimental to the society, atleast in our Country. But it is an individual choice.

Only practical education by way of taking students of schools and colleges to Old Age homes or creating some sort of debates, acts can improve the situation.

Whatever is within our capability, we should do for our parents.

Yes it is matter of choice, most of person like to live separate from family. Living separate for job or for other reason is not problem, but treating as others, to family members is problem. 

I feel that rather than live together in a unhealthy atmosphere of mistrust and non co operation,  it is better to live seperately and remain on cordial terms unless it is an impossible situation where the elderly need to be taken care of because either they are alone or have some serious illness.

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

I agree you reap as you sow unless of course the daughter in laws are smart enough to forget the past and make the mother in law realise her mistake through her own actions. I have seen that happen too...by the way there is no restriction whatsoever to take your parents to Baharain or any of tje UAE nations with a family visa. I have many relatives living in the gulf including Baharain with some of their parents living full time with them.

I don't know as I have never been to any of the Arab countries. She probably might have made it up as an excuse not to take her MIL with her probably! As to their conduct, it actually depends on how forgiving the daughters-in-law and the other children are. There is a give and take in each relationship and so the parents should also treat their children accordingly and try to inculcate those same values in them. Nowadays I see so many young women, some of my friends too, putting their children into daycare centres after school even though they themselves are at home just because they do not want to be encumbered with looking after their kids. Kids as young as 2 and 3 year olds need their mothers more than any other thing in the world and are still entrusted to the care of uneducated ladies with questionable hygiene who work in most daycare centres. The way the kids cry when they are left their is gutwrenching sight to see. I often wonder how much affection and love these kids will ever have for their mothers when they grown up.

usha manohar wrote:

I feel that rather than live together in a unhealthy atmosphere of mistrust and non co operation,  it is better to live seperately and remain on cordial terms unless it is an impossible situation where the elderly need to be taken care of because either they are alone or have some serious illness.

It is right that it is better living seperately than living in unhealthy atmosphere. But it is our hand to make healthy atmosphere. No outsider come for it. We all remember it that one day we became old one.