Does our society welcome single parents??

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Even urban India is not welcoming this change in our old traditional mindset. Recently I met one single mom, whose child of three was declined admissions to many leading playschools before she finally got her admitted to an International school with Montessori set up. She has a child out of wedlock from her American boyfriend, They could not get married due to some parental liabilities. She came to India to take care of her ailing parents while the guy is still in US. She takes her daughter to US for holidays or sometimes father comes to visit her daughter.  

I am surprised to read that a school can deny admission just because the mother is not married. I am not aware of many laws but this particular denial is definitely illegal. I am curious to know which city did this happen in, because I do know some people personally whose children were born out of wedlock but did not go through such incidents. Usually, besides just raising eyebrows or being talked about, such kids and their moms are normally accepted in urban societies.

Same here, I know of a few cases where the children were born out of wedlock but there has been no problem at all since people dont really bother once they get over the initial hesitation .

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Even urban India is not welcoming this change in our old traditional mindset. Recently I met one single mom, whose child of three was declined admissions to many leading playschools before she finally got her admitted to an International school with Montessori set up. She has a child out of wedlock from her American boyfriend, They could not get married due to some parental liabilities. She came to India to take care of her ailing parents while the guy is still in US. She takes her daughter to US for holidays or sometimes father comes to visit her daughter.  

I am surprised to read that a school can deny admission just because the mother is not married. I am not aware of many laws but this particular denial is definitely illegal. I am curious to know which city did this happen in, because I do know some people personally whose children were born out of wedlock but did not go through such incidents. Usually, besides just raising eyebrows or being talked about, such kids and their moms are normally accepted in urban societies.

Same here, I know of a few cases where the children were born out of wedlock but there has been no problem at all since people dont really bother once they get over the initial hesitation .

Even in every cases that I know of children born out of wedlock, after the initial shock and round of gossip people do not bother about them anymore and are accepted as one of them. However, things might not be thst easy if they are born with other stigmas such as from AIDS infected parents. 

jabeen wrote:

Things ve changed for better nowadays. Earlier it was not accepted, but nowadays people are gradually accepting them. But as Anil has mentioned, comparatively speaking the society tends to accept the divorcee, adoption more easily that children born out of wedlock.

@ Vishakha,as far as I know a single male can adopt female child but there should be an age gap of 21 years. Same is the case with female. If single female wants to adopt male child there should be an age difference of at least 21 years

Although child born out of wedlock is always innocent.

In India we have had so many cases where men have extra marital relationships  which are all illegal and when children are born through these relationships, they too come under the same category. So, this is not a new concept here nor is the case of living together which is what happens when a man and woman live together without getting married..

usha manohar wrote:

In India we have had so many cases where men have extra marital relationships  which are all illegal and when children are born through these relationships, they too come under the same category. So, this is not a new concept here nor is the case of living together which is what happens when a man and woman live together without getting married..

Extra martial relationships are illegal but it is injustice with child born with this relation. What is their fault? Why they spend whole life with this stigma, Haram Ki Aulad. 

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

anil wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

In India we have had so many cases where men have extra marital relationships  which are all illegal and when children are born through these relationships, they too come under the same category. So, this is not a new concept here nor is the case of living together which is what happens when a man and woman live together without getting married..

Extra martial relationships are illegal but it is injustice with child born with this relation. What is their fault? Why they spend whole life with this stigma, Haram Ki Aulad. 

Stigma is imaginary and if people simply dont care there is no meaning for stigma. The court itself now recognises that a child whether born out of wedlok or within it still has parental rights, so does the mother ..

Arunima Singh wrote:

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

For what fault child isolated from society. It is my suggestion that his/her genetic father give him his name and also ward them.

Arunima Singh wrote:

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

The lady should have challenged that in a court of  law or got the issue highlighted through a news media, an I am sure the school would have been taken to task ! It is the mindset that is all wrong , but with sound reasoning it can be changed as well .

anil wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

For what fault child isolated from society. It is my suggestion that his/her genetic father give him his name and also ward them.

It is in our country that you need a Father's name. In many countries, it is mother's name which is used primarily. My daughters born in US have my name on their birth certificates and SSN card, not my husband's. For me that makes sense. Because in most of these cases, the mother is the primary caregiver. I think we have a petition filed by few of women here in our country to have the name of mom as prime thing. Well, i feel we should have option for either father or mother's name in case of single parents ( who ever is the primary caregiver) on forms.

The birth certificate carries both names which shd be good enough. It is our curious and probing Indian mentality that take things too far. How does it matter whether the mother is single   divorced or married as far as education is concerned? They don't do this with a man..

usha manohar wrote:

The birth certificate carries both names which shd be good enough. It is our curious and probing Indian mentality that take things too far. How does it matter whether the mother is single   divorced or married as far as education is concerned? They don't do this with a man..

totally agree. I would rather call it sick mentality to peep into other's life and draw juicy stories. 

Arunima Singh wrote:

anil wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

For what fault child isolated from society. It is my suggestion that his/her genetic father give him his name and also ward them.

It is in our country that you need a Father's name. In many countries, it is mother's name which is used primarily. My daughters born in US have my name on their birth certificates and SSN card, not my husband's. For me that makes sense. Because in most of these cases, the mother is the primary caregiver. I think we have a petition filed by few of women here in our country to have the name of mom as prime thing. Well, i feel we should have option for either father or mother's name in case of single parents ( who ever is the primary caregiver) on forms.

In case of single parents child can use name of mother. I know one case in which on hearing magistrate asked child you want father name, child said no, this child is using name of his mother and surname as well.

anil wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

anil wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

It happened in a metro city like Bangalore. They were not denied directly. But form had no option of single parent. It has divorced option but not single parent. The looks from the administrative people said loud about nonacceptance of child. The excuses were lame -no more seats though they admitted a few later.

Moreover, a child born out of wedlock can be a conscious choice of an adult, an accident of premarital affairs or can be rape or continued sexual abuse under different situations. Children of sex workers also come under the same.Needs a deeper thought. Does the child need to be isolated from the society in ashrams and  organizations for no fault of his/her?? 

For what fault child isolated from society. It is my suggestion that his/her genetic father give him his name and also ward them.

It is in our country that you need a Father's name. In many countries, it is mother's name which is used primarily. My daughters born in US have my name on their birth certificates and SSN card, not my husband's. For me that makes sense. Because in most of these cases, the mother is the primary caregiver. I think we have a petition filed by few of women here in our country to have the name of mom as prime thing. Well, i feel we should have option for either father or mother's name in case of single parents ( who ever is the primary caregiver) on forms.

In case of single parents child can use name of mother. I know one case in which on hearing magistrate asked child you want father name, child said no, this child is using name of his mother and surname as well.

Elated to know of such progressive mindset

This kind of thinking I don't think that anyone in this world can change this, only Modernization has the power to change it.

Babu saroj wrote:

This kind of thinking I don't think that anyone in this world can change this, only Modernization has the power to change it.

Time is much powerful, it can change everything.

anil wrote:

Babu saroj wrote:

This kind of thinking I don't think that anyone in this world can change this, only Modernization has the power to change it.

Time is much powerful, it can change everything.

Absolutely ! Change can never be stopped and e should accept it wholeheartedly rather than trying to arrest it or grumble about it

usha manohar wrote:

anil wrote:

Babu saroj wrote:

This kind of thinking I don't think that anyone in this world can change this, only Modernization has the power to change it.

Time is much powerful, it can change everything.

Absolutely ! Change can never be stopped and e should accept it wholeheartedly rather than trying to arrest it or grumble about it

The only thing that is constant is Change. Think like this. Each year, your age increases by One year. Can you stop it?

Hence, it is always better to accept it. If one does, it would be an exercise in futility.

On a lighter note, I have heard single parents say that there is big bonus they have as single parent ---no parental conflicts. I work as counselor to a special needs school where there are many single mothers--the fathers abandoned them with the responsibility of a special child 

It is always the father's who abandon and the woman is supposed to take responsibility of the child... honestly our society is so very backward in its thinking. No doubt that women are naturally equipped and capable of bringing up a child than a man, but part of the responsibility should automatically shared like it is done in the Western countries..