Contest Thread :: Youth and Elders Care

Most of the working class would prefer to stay as near to their working place as possible. This would mean moving away from their parents. With the growing pressures of life and the responsibilities in their own families, many a times the parents are left alone in the old age. This may not really be a planned move but yes in more and more cases today this is the harsh reality being faced by the senior citizens of the country.

Would it be right.... If we were to blame the parents for expecting too much in terms of time or money from their kids. It looks pretty complex. One side... The parents sacrificed their interests and desires to fulfill the ones of their kids, so is it not the responsibility of the kids to look after the parents when needed . The other side.... Presuming the above to be true does it not mean that the parents are being selfish n bringing up kids well so that they return that favour at a later stage.???

Is ths not putting a price tag to what our parents have done for us???

Expectations leads to unhappiness when the expectations are not fulfilled. Ideally I would say that we should all save for the rainy day. I am sure many of us are already doing that. If parents are self sufficient, they would not have to depend on anyone even their own kids in the old age. Many a times the youth see the parents just as an additional responsibility. In cases where they are already struggling to make the ends meet, this additional responsibility can be a big burden. Hence they would try to move away as much as possible. It would be wrong to judge them as right and wrong. Man is always selfish by nature.

In some cases where money is available in plenty and time is scarce. People tend to think that money is enough for their elderly parents. And that money can replace their own presence. No wonder home nurses are among the best paid these days. 10k to 15K is the nominal monthly charge for a home nurse along with food and accommodation. There are parents who would be satisfied if the kids are willing to pay for their expenses, but there are still others who yearn for the their presence and to spend time with their grand children,

Many a times the reason for the frustration within the elders is because they are left alone. And also they do not have any engagements. I feel in such cases its much more better for them to move to a good old age home. Where they can live and interact with people of their own age and be engaged with some activities.

But this way we would be loosing out on the love and interactions between the grandparents n their grandchildren.... While the mom n dad are busy earning... They may miss out on some quality time with their own kids... But if elders r there ... They can very well fill that gap. They also help to instill good values n cultural ethics in kids. 

But with most people moving to cities for their living... Where time and space are costly...the elders may seem to be added strain on the already meagre resources both in terms of time and space. Even for the elders the lack of freedom to move about becomes a concern. They feel like being tied or closed in the flats with limited movements. And if this city happens to be in a different state... Then the language problem adds to their vows.

It's no wonder therefore that the number of old age homes is increasing at a rapid pace. More and more people find happiness and contentment in these places. They r not dependent on anyone. There r ppl to take care of them, they have friends which becomes their family. The discontentment is reduced. They have control over their lives and cam live with their heads held high

There is also this phenomenon of bribing that is there from both sides. The parents would say, I will give you all money and property I have but you should take care of me in my old age. And their kids would say I will take care of you provided you give me all your assets. I really wonder if bribes like these would work out. Or if they do, to what extent. In this case we are actually forgetting the relations and doing or making do things just for money. Yes our lives are becoming materialist but is to this extent that we see our own parents as cash cows? or our own children as corporates to provide us services for their own monetary gain?

But there is one very positive point I see in all this. We may be shunning away our parents for different reasons. But I think with this trend where the son of the family is not taking care of his parents, the preference for a male child may reduce. In our patriarchal society the son has always been given preference. He is consider as "budhape ka sahara", "ghar ka chirag" etc etc. With this changing scenes these cliches are likely to be wiped off. Or at-least i would like them to be wiped off. But we really need to wait and see how the things go. But for now the plight of the senior citizens of the country continues to be grim.

Your 10 posts - Locked for time being but will be opened if deemed fit

The tread is open for further discussion 

Whenever it comes to the matter of taking care of ones parents gets ignored or neglected then the whole blame falls on the children. I really feel sad about it. Actually, the Indian culture and tradition teaches us to look after our parents and guardians and when someone fail to look after them then no one wants to reason it out that it was done willingly or unwillingly and was there any fault from parents' side or not. There are parents who are extremely arrogant, not interested to compromise and fail to give due respect to the other members of the family then it is quite obvious that the young ones would face a huge task in somehow managing the harmony of the family. To live together, the first condition is to have adjustment quality and if it's missing from any particular side then it's that side's problem and not of the other side.  

Completely agree with you. Now a days many parents itself are unwilling to stay with their children because they have a lifestyle, friends circle and other engagements which they do not want to give up. They want their freedom

Parents who brought up their children  made them independent and Self sufficient with a hope that they would stay by their side during old age.. But, i feel, the children are failing in their duties. Of course, it's true some parents do not like to stay with their children. Because such parents do not want to become a burden to their Children. especially if their children and their wives are  Working. In my own case all my children do not live with me. Because , i have the ability to earn.. And thus the question of staying in Old age Homes doesn't rise..

My children are Happy. And I and my wife are happy

Divya wrote:

Completely agree with you. Now a days many parents itself are unwilling to stay with their children because they have a lifestyle, friends circle and other engagements which they do not want to give up. They want their freedom

You know, the younger generation has become the soft target regarding the look after of the elders. I don't deny that it's not happening that young ones are neglecting their parents and guardians but in many cases the story is very different. As you said about the freedom of the elderly person that is one reason but there are many such families where daughter-in-laws want to maintain a distance because of her bitter experience in her matrimonial family. From a distance it is always very easy for anyone to blame the children when their parents are in a poor state but the deep rooted cause usually never comes in open. We always forget that relationship is secondary and primary is we are human beings. Every relation has to be nurtured with love or else one has to suffer for misbehaviour.    

Some parents wish to be away from their children to allow them to spend their life as they wish.without interference.. This  is true  especially true in  the case of newly married Couple.

rambabu wrote:

Some parents wish to be away from their children to allow them to spend their life as they wish.without interference.. This  is true  especially true in  the case of newly married Couple.

 

You mean the parents of a newly married son go to live in a hotel or an old age home just to provide privacy to the newly married couple? Or the newly married couple leaves their children behind and go to honeymoon? I am confused here - so will you please tell me the exact situation?

suni51 wrote:

rambabu wrote:

Some parents wish to be away from their children to allow them to spend their life as they wish.without interference.. This  is true  especially true in  the case of newly married Couple.

You mean the parents of a newly married son go to live in a hotel or an old age home just to provide privacy to the newly married couple? Or the newly married couple leaves their children behind and go to honeymoon? I am confused here - so will you please tell me the exact situation?

i meant, some parents want to be away from  their children. The reason is, parents want to allow their children to live  their life as they wish.  Some Children may not like to have unsolicited advises from their Parents at the drop of a hat.

This is is true, if children are newly weds. i think i  made myself clear.

Things are changing fast with extinction of joint family.  The elders/ senior citizens are left alone. In many cases, children go even abroad for earning whereas old parents are left behind.  There is greater need for special arrangements for  care of elderly.  The governments are aware of this issue. So there are greater facilities for health care and medical check up. But much more needs be done. The poor elderly need be given adequate old age pension and health care.