Are we leading to Empty Nester Syndrome?

Though the thread revolves around those mothers who are attached to their children, it holds good to all parents.

Accept the truth, that one day or other every parent has to face this situation. Did you not leave the nest ?

Did you ever think of your mother's plight, when you left for your in Law's home ?

It's always wise to go along the truth of life and continue your onward journey.

Yes, this is a fact that at some point of time the children have to leave their biological home for a purpose and then if the parents especially the non-working mothers lead to depression but it should not be like that. Parents must counsel themselves regularly and learn to accept this fact or else life for both the sides become difficult.

Wisdom lies in adjusting to the changing times during different phases of life. Life will change from time to time. We cannot changes.Accept and enjoy life.

I always consider, such parents who are preoccupied by their child are obsessed lot. They cannot accept their child's independence as well as their closeness to anyone else and ultimately lead to frustration and unhappiness.   

From what I have seen,most of the parents especially the educated ones are totally prepared for such a situation .We see more and more children making their own lives even before getting married which may cause tension in some cases .In fact we had a case close to my house where the mother simply would not let her son make a room for himself close to his work spot in the same city to save the inconvenience of travelling to and fro.She simply would not see reason and put her sons interest before her own so called misery ! Now the son has moved out with bitter feelings which could have been saved had the mother been a little mature and unselfish !

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I always consider, such parents who are preoccupied by their child are obsessed lot. They cannot accept their child's independence as well as their closeness to anyone else and ultimately lead to frustration and unhappiness.   

Inability to have forethought by the parents and thinking that their children remain as children forever and live with them is a grand parental mistake.

Why mothers only? I feel the same when I find my only child has gone to settle 12,000 km away from me.

But you are happy. The thought of Leaving you by your dear daughter, though painful, it gives you immense pleasure seeing  her progress and development.

rambabu wrote:

But you are happy. The thought of Leaving you by your dear daughter, though painful, it gives you immense pleasure seeing  her progress and development.

 

My daughter is with me for last 20 days and shall be leaving on 26th but I have already started feeling low and scared of facing that moment when my daughter and the kid will leave me behind. The good thing is I'll be with her next January for couple of months again. But my point here is, that it's not limited to mothers only.

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

suni51 wrote:

rambabu wrote:

But you are happy. The thought of Leaving you by your dear daughter, though painful, it gives you immense pleasure seeing  her progress and development.

 

My daughter is with me for last 20 days and shall be leaving on 26th but I have already started feeling low and scared of facing that moment when my daughter and the kid will leave me behind. The good thing is I'll be with her next January for couple of months again. But my point here is, that it's not limited to mothers only.

Agreed. this kind of emotional turbulence is not just restricted to mothers alone.Like, you felt low on  thinking about your daughter's imminent departure very soon. I can understand.

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

It is true that one gets accustomed to the change and accepts it as a way of life.In my own case my three children are in three different corners of the world but technology especially skype makes me keep in touch with them almost on a daily basis ...And we all visit each other at least once a year if not more..We miss them but we also accept it as part of life !

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

 

I agree but it makes things funny when the kid says 'Nanu open your mouth, I want you to eat these grapes" Or wants to come in my lap but can't find his way through the screen of the laptop.

suni51 wrote:

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

 

I agree but it makes things funny when the kid says 'Nanu open your mouth, I want you to eat these grapes" Or wants to come in my lap but can't find his way through the screen of the laptop.

Ahaha... really funny. And it's such incidents will remain with you which will rejuvenate you in their absence.

 

No, it's not mothers alone but the stay at home mothers are usually affected by empty nester syndrome. Some are not affected because of reasoning but who fail to reason out they are in deep trouble. @suni51 You must be feeling low but at the back of your mind you know what is right so for you, accepting the reality is not tough but mostly mothers stop being reasonable which is a big pain.

Yes. I too have such experiences like what Sunil had, I have 3 children. Elder is a son who is a Software professional. Others are daughters. The elder daughter is a teacher and her husband is the vice president of one of the top IT companies in Bangalore  He draws 6 lakhs as his pay. My daughter. is a Montessori trained teacher who draws 25 000 rupees.

Youngest daughter is a green card holder and lives in America. Her hubby is a successful business man. They own a mini steel plant in my state.

Whenever they come on holidays, I and my wife feel as if we are on cloud 9.

 But when they leave, our heart becomes heavy. But I know this is inevitable.

My only principle is, Be happy that " it happened. Don't lament that it's over."

This relief makes me more happy and gives me succor.

@rambabu That's the best way to lead life because if parents lament then children start leaving a dual life which is not at all healthy. Reasonable approach towards life makes everyone's life easier.  

Experience taught me that Equanimity is the best way to lead a happy life.

What appeared to be exceptional cases decades back is now endemic and this problem is spreading its tentacles in Indian society. With single child norm being practised on a massiv  scale in urban India and parental obsession has acquired a pathological dimensions.I have two shatteringly tragic cases in which both the middle-aged couples

took their lives following the accidental deaths of their only son.The parents have to develop the right kind of detachment and de-obsess,if I am permitted to use right term, from  the affairs of their wards which take off to a different trajectory once they grow mature.They have to discover a world beyond their obsessions by engaging more with the bigger

world.

Here. a couple live in the opposite apartment where i'm living, They had a son  who met with an accident and died.. They decided to lead a life of their own. They neither grieved nor lamented about the painful past. Practically their son was erased out of their memory .Switched over to spirituality and presently leading a happy life. Detachment played a pivotal role.for them.