Parents should change with the time as they cannot treat their kids like kids when they grow up. I have seen it in many families parents don't change themselves even their kids grow causing all sort of problems. In my case I remember when I was a kid my father used to impose things on me which I rarely find it he just give me advices which depends on me to follow or not and that's the way. :blink:
To a certain extent I can understand parents trying to take control of their children's life simply because it is difficult to know when your children are grown up and are able to take responsibilities I still do it with my younger daughter about her food, outings and other issues which she laughs off...but on the whole it is better to let go and give advice only when it is asked for is what I feel ...
I suppose the sons feel that trying to have a frank talk with their mothers may make them unhappy, so they dont want to take a chance...I have also seen that men in general have this habit of putting off issues as long as possible....
Where feelings are concerned education doesnt really help, it is the personality,attitude and the mental make up of a lady/man that really counts.
I also wanted to share a horrifying incident that is supposed to have taken last month in UP where one of my friend works for a NGO bringing in social awareness.They happened to witness a gruesome ceremony where a three day old girl baby was ceremoniously drowned in a large basin of milk and buried, with the entire village, the panch members and the parents watching it . According to the police it was done because the mother wanted it as she already has two daughters...when this is the kind of mindset that is prevalent, no wonder that mothers became possessive about their sons...
If the sons do not discuss these issues frankly with their mother in order NOT to make them unhappy, they end up making themselves, their wives and others unhappy....
I suppose the sons feel that trying to have a frank talk with their mothers may make them unhappy, so they dont want to take a chance...I have also seen that men in general have this habit of putting off issues as long as possible....
Where feelings are concerned education doesnt really help, it is the personality,attitude and the mental make up of a lady/man that really counts.
I also wanted to share a horrifying incident that is supposed to have taken last month in UP where one of my friend works for a NGO bringing in social awareness.They happened to witness a gruesome ceremony where a three day old girl baby was ceremoniously drowned in a large basin of milk and buried, with the entire village, the panch members and the parents watching it . According to the police it was done because the mother wanted it as she already has two daughters...when this is the kind of mindset that is prevalent, no wonder that mothers became possessive about their sons...
If the sons do not discuss these issues frankly with their mother in order NOT to make them unhappy, they end up making themselves, their wives and others unhappy....
Thats true, but again looking at it from their point of view, they would rather not take sides and keep doing the tough balancing act as long as possible...but a time comes when he is forced to take sides which may or may not be fair to the other person..
The discussion has turned more into relationships about mother and children, but times have now affected even other kinds of relationships as well. Especially with friends and next-door neighbours. During my growing up years, all the doors of houses in my neighbourhood used to be open always and all of us could come and go freely wherever we wanted. But now, even when people are at home, the doors as closed tight and will open only a wee bit at fixed times. If you wanted to be friendly with someone or catch up on the gossip, you now have to stick to those times!!! :blink: I really find it disturbing and damaging for the overall social fabric of the society!
The discussion has turned more into relationships about mother and children, but times have now affected even other kinds of relationships as well. Especially with friends and next-door neighbours. During my growing up years, all the doors of houses in my neighbourhood used to be open always and all of us could come and go freely wherever we wanted. But now, even when people are at home, the doors as closed tight and will open only a wee bit at fixed times. If you wanted to be friendly with someone or catch up on the gossip, you now have to stick to those times!!! :blink: I really find it disturbing and damaging for the overall social fabric of the society!
I agree Kalyani, was the same in our ancestral home which had no front door, just a long verandah and an open courtyard in front which would have a temporary roof made of coconut fronds , we all would gather and exchange views.My children love to listen to those accounts since their own life style is totally different, mush more formal ...I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages, but one does feel nostalgic !
The discussion has turned more into relationships about mother and children, but times have now affected even other kinds of relationships as well. Especially with friends and next-door neighbours. During my growing up years, all the doors of houses in my neighbourhood used to be open always and all of us could come and go freely wherever we wanted. But now, even when people are at home, the doors as closed tight and will open only a wee bit at fixed times. If you wanted to be friendly with someone or catch up on the gossip, you now have to stick to those times!!! :blink: I really find it disturbing and damaging for the overall social fabric of the society!
I agree Kalyani, was the same in our ancestral home which had no front door, just a long verandah and an open courtyard in front which would have a temporary roof made of coconut fronds , we all would gather and exchange views.My children love to listen to those accounts since their own life style is totally different, mush more formal ...I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages, but one does feel nostalgic !
True Usha! There are of course both pros and cons to every kind of living situation, but when I think of my son and other children his age, I really feel a lot disappointed that they are being deprived of so many really humane, beautiful things in life, things that are required to make a well-rounded and sensitive persons, not just solitary, techno-savvy children of today who cannot even stand to have their own grandparents in their room! :blink:
The discussion has turned more into relationships about mother and children, but times have now affected even other kinds of relationships as well. Especially with friends and next-door neighbours. During my growing up years, all the doors of houses in my neighbourhood used to be open always and all of us could come and go freely wherever we wanted. But now, even when people are at home, the doors as closed tight and will open only a wee bit at fixed times. If you wanted to be friendly with someone or catch up on the gossip, you now have to stick to those times!!! :blink: I really find it disturbing and damaging for the overall social fabric of the society!
I agree Kalyani, was the same in our ancestral home which had no front door, just a long verandah and an open courtyard in front which would have a temporary roof made of coconut fronds , we all would gather and exchange views.My children love to listen to those accounts since their own life style is totally different, mush more formal ...I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages, but one does feel nostalgic !
True Usha! There are of course both pros and cons to every kind of living situation, but when I think of my son and other children his age, I really feel a lot disappointed that they are being deprived of so many really humane, beautiful things in life, things that are required to make a well-rounded and sensitive persons, not just solitary, techno-savvy children of today who cannot even stand to have their own grandparents in their room! :blink:
In many families the interaction between grand parents and grand children is almost nil, which is really sad....The grand children dont really care nor do they want to have anything to do with anyone else other than their own family members and friends....Not sure where this is going to lead !
With time and maturity our relationships too change with people around us, especially with our spouses and children too...The problem with many parents is that they fail to realise that the children have grown and become independent and need space , so instead of bad mouthing them with others and grumbling all the time , if they take the trouble to understand them things would be far better as far as their interaction and future relationship is concerned...
The discussion has turned more into relationships about mother and children, but times have now affected even other kinds of relationships as well. Especially with friends and next-door neighbours. During my growing up years, all the doors of houses in my neighbourhood used to be open always and all of us could come and go freely wherever we wanted. But now, even when people are at home, the doors as closed tight and will open only a wee bit at fixed times. If you wanted to be friendly with someone or catch up on the gossip, you now have to stick to those times!!! :blink: I really find it disturbing and damaging for the overall social fabric of the society!
I agree Kalyani, was the same in our ancestral home which had no front door, just a long verandah and an open courtyard in front which would have a temporary roof made of coconut fronds , we all would gather and exchange views.My children love to listen to those accounts since their own life style is totally different, mush more formal ...I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages, but one does feel nostalgic !
True Usha! There are of course both pros and cons to every kind of living situation, but when I think of my son and other children his age, I really feel a lot disappointed that they are being deprived of so many really humane, beautiful things in life, things that are required to make a well-rounded and sensitive persons, not just solitary, techno-savvy children of today who cannot even stand to have their own grandparents in their room! :blink:
In many families the interaction between grand parents and grand children is almost nil, which is really sad....The grand children dont really care nor do they want to have anything to do with anyone else other than their own family members and friends....Not sure where this is going to lead !
Where are the grand parents in this nuclear family days? Most of them are in old age homes.
With time and maturity our relationships too change with people around us, especially with our spouses and children too...The problem with many parents is that they fail to realise that the children have grown and become independent and need space , so instead of bad mouthing them with others and grumbling all the time , if they take the trouble to understand them things would be far better as far as their interaction and future relationship is concerned...
Many people fail to see the dynamics of relationships and weave illusions around them to be shattered by real-life experiences. There has to be a fine balance between subjective and objective realities in shaping up our attitudes and stances.
With time and maturity our relationships too change with people around us, especially with our spouses and children too...The problem with many parents is that they fail to realise that the children have grown and become independent and need space , so instead of bad mouthing them with others and grumbling all the time , if they take the trouble to understand them things would be far better as far as their interaction and future relationship is concerned...
Many people fail to see the dynamics of relationships and weave illusions around them to be shattered by real-life experiences. There has to be a fine balance between subjective and objective realities in shaping up our attitudes and stances.
Exactly ! people tend to live in a illusory world where others behave and act as they want them to, which seldom happens in real life ! There is a saying that the more freedom you give the less they want to fly...
Being strict has its demerits especially after children reach a certain stage, this is true of any relationship, unless there is mutual give and take, no relationship prospers - Any kind of high handed behavior or dictatorial ways can only damage a relationship , sometimes beyond repair !
@kiran8