gap between marriage day and engagement day

I can't fully agree with your points.
It's true, the time interval between engagement and marriage is the golden age of a relationship, when one person gets full opportunity to know about the other person, his likes and dislikes.
Marriage doesn't mean two persons should continue living till death even if unhappy with the relation only thinking, we are married. If it's possible to find that the other person doesn't suit you before marriage, it's better to break the relationship than continue it for the sake of family and relatives. Marriage is the union of two hearts, then only family and society.

understanding and adjustment is a life long process, not a vacation affair..two human minds needs life long compromise. instead of knowing each other, they are claiming egoistic deals wich eventually fails.

I think you are right. The mobile has been one means of communication that can be misused during the gap. The gap between my engagement and marriage was only about 40-45 days. As we both belong to families with teaching background, it was not a problem for us to drift away. However, we cannot curse mobiles always. There are examples where the boys have asked for physical relationship and the girl didn't refuse and she thought that after all, he is going to be her husband. However, the boy cheated and refused to marry.

:) I am agree with you gap must be avoided, if for any reason gap is must minimum contact between boy and girl must be assured.

parents are giving long gap after engagement. mean while the boy and girl make mobile/week end contacts and develop ill feelings/like and dislikes which turns to emotional decision to cancel the marriage. i came across few with in a month. the gap must be avoided as well the problems must be resolved by elders. youth do not realize the eternal importance of marriage.

Some gap is given to prepare for marriage but that should not be too long.

:) I am agree with you gap must be avoided, if for any reason gap is must minimum contact between boy and girl must be assured.

parents are giving long gap after engagement. mean while the boy and girl make mobile/week end contacts and develop ill feelings/like and dislikes which turns to emotional decision to cancel the marriage. i came across few with in a month. the gap must be avoided as well the problems must be resolved by elders. youth do not realize the eternal importance of marriage.

That's rightly pointed out - there should be minimum contact between the two of them. The family members should spend more time with the would be bride and bridegroom. It assures that they don't do anything wrong.

All are adult and if they keep contact what will be? It may increase the bonding and they can know each other well.

Many times I found that parents do engagement first and then after months or years they give marriage.

we must view failures, demerits. if couple of broken relations takes place the purpose of gap is defeated. safe play is advisable. life long issue can not be scrutinized with in months. the very traditional bond is eternal, it must not be tested and proved like missile.

Many times I found that parents do engagement first and then after months or years they give marriage.

You have rightly pointed out that. I don't know why parents keep such a big gap between these two important of the kids' lives. There is a marriage going to take place in our relation. The engagement took place 2 months back and the marriage is after Diwali this year. Just imagine, almost one full year.

parents must be very careful in this subject. lot of observation and counseling is needed.

like and dislikes do not come on the way of marriage. live for each other is the real sense of marriage. sacrifice is the basic element in this relation. Hinduism gave divine path to this eternal bondage.

like and dislikes do not come on the way of marriage. live for each other is the real sense of marriage. sacrifice is the basic element in this relation. Hinduism gave divine path to this eternal bondage.

Yes, Hinduism has rated marriage very highly. It is we people who are abusing the system. The bond is certainly eternal as you pointed out. But we have made it a nine day wonder.

let me give a live example of my dearest friend of PG.

when the marriage was fixed everything was as normal, both began to chat each other over phone. But gradually my friend felt that his behaviour is strange and that he is not like normal persons. so, she told this matter to her parents and said that she didn't want to marry him. Her parents neglect her words thinking, it's a small fight between these two.

what happened next???
They lived together for just 1 month. He was a sadist who used to beat her. One day she phoned her father and he brought her from Banglore. Her husband was an IT employee.
3 months before she got married.( After 5 years) But she insisted that she will choose only a second marriage person.
She was the most beautiful girl of our class and every boy of our class had a special interest in her. also, she was a single child.
If parents listened to her words?
Will those wounds heal easily?

so, the period between engagement and marriage is the best time to know each other. never go for adjustments, instead think in all means if found strange characteristics of the person

let me give a live example of my dearest friend of PG.

when the marriage was fixed everything was as normal, both began to chat each other over phone. But gradually my friend felt that his behaviour is strange and that he is not like normal persons. so, she told this matter to her parents and said that she didn't want to marry him. Her parents neglect her words thinking, it's a small fight between these two.

what happened next???
They lived together for just 1 month. He was a sadist who used to beat her. One day she phoned her father and he brought her from Banglore. Her husband was an IT employee.
3 months before she got married.( After 5 years) But she insisted that she will choose only a second marriage person.
She was the most beautiful girl of our class and every boy of our class had a special interest in her. also, she was a single child.
If parents listened to her words?
Will those wounds heal easily?

so, the period between engagement and marriage is the best time to know each other. never go for adjustments, instead think in all means if found strange characteristics of the person

There are a plethora of ways to know each other. Not necessarily the gap between engagement and marriage. Stray incidents will not affirmatively say anything.

let me give a live example of my dearest friend of PG.

when the marriage was fixed everything was as normal, both began to chat each other over phone. But gradually my friend felt that his behaviour is strange and that he is not like normal persons. so, she told this matter to her parents and said that she didn't want to marry him. Her parents neglect her words thinking, it's a small fight between these two.

what happened next???
They lived together for just 1 month. He was a sadist who used to beat her. One day she phoned her father and he brought her from Banglore. Her husband was an IT employee.
3 months before she got married.( After 5 years) But she insisted that she will choose only a second marriage person.
She was the most beautiful girl of our class and every boy of our class had a special interest in her. also, she was a single child.
If parents listened to her words?
Will those wounds heal easily?

so, the period between engagement and marriage is the best time to know each other. never go for adjustments, instead think in all means if found strange characteristics of the person

That's right Sandhyji. But this period is like an interview. During an interview we try to be at our best. This period cannot say for sure that the person is the right choice. Who knows he/she has two faces, who will behave well during that period and will be back to square one after marriage?

i agree with you, the whole planet is in the process of understanding and adjustment. you are adjusting in the society in every respect. you are involuntarily adjusting every second with every thing. none is a free bird on the planet. the basic importance of marriage is not conveyed to present generation. i have adjusted with thousands of people in service, why not with life partner who is sharing life. ego must be erased. can you find a man who can get along through out life with out any problem? never..sweet is famous because of bitter..

i agree with you, the whole planet is in the process of understanding and adjustment. you are adjusting in the society in every respect. you are involuntarily adjusting every second with every thing. none is a free bird on the planet. the basic importance of marriage is not conveyed to present generation. i have adjusted with thousands of people in service, why not with life partner who is sharing life. ego must be erased. can you find a man who can get along through out life with out any problem? never..sweet is famous because of bitter..

That's a cool observation, I must say. It shows your way of thinking towards marriage in general and society in particular.
But I would like to tell you to click on "Quote" if you are answering to someone. It's easier to know whom you are answering to and in what respect.

subramanyam sir, the point you have pointed out is correct but there is positive about this point, that is if they could not adjust while talking in phone then how they can adjust in their life. To my knowledge i feel talking in phone is correct.

Any problem related to marital matters should be talked face to face. This is not a light matter to be talked and jump to conclusions over the phone.