Developing a Rapport with your children..

I feel, as the father has such habit and he do those things infront of his children then children surely follow the elder in such things.If father stops then there may be a chance of their son also may stop.

Even my dad's brother has smoking habit because my grand father have. So my grand father could not tell his son to stop it as he himself has that habit.

Yes I agree with that, we cannot set an example unless we ourselves have something to show for it.At the same time, if a person wants to drink or smoke, it is better to deal with it in a practical manner that gets the best results , instead of making an issue out of it

Very true Kalyani.I tend to blame the entire educational system which of late has become so competitive that parents have no go but to pressurise their children to perform better.There is no time left for finer things in life and before you know they are grown up in an atmosphere that has made them efficient but lacking in many other aspects..

True Usha, but I still blame even the parents and not just the system in general. The present education system is such that we cannot avoid it but then as parents we can also make the efforts to make children aware of the finer things, such as appreciating good art, understanding good classical music etc. But all around I see parents ferrying their children from one class after another, right from skating, drawing, dancing, football, swimming, abacus, phonics etc. etc. that there is no time left fro children to breathe free and really do something that they want to in their hearts. All of these activities simply MUST be done because other children are doing it. So where does this get the children? They become jack of all trades and master of none. And also even though they attend dance, art and music classes, they have become so mechanical that they cannot appreciate a good art form even when they see it. Everything for them revolves around I, me, myself and for me!

Very true Kalyani.I tend to blame the entire educational system which of late has become so competitive that parents have no go but to pressurise their children to perform better.There is no time left for finer things in life and before you know they are grown up in an atmosphere that has made them efficient but lacking in many other aspects..

True Usha, but I still blame even the parents and not just the system in general. The present education system is such that we cannot avoid it but then as parents we can also make the efforts to make children aware of the finer things, such as appreciating good art, understanding good classical music etc. But all around I see parents ferrying their children from one class after another, right from skating, drawing, dancing, football, swimming, abacus, phonics etc. etc. that there is no time left fro children to breathe free and really do something that they want to in their hearts. All of these activities simply MUST be done because other children are doing it. So where does this get the children? They become jack of all trades and master of none. And also even though they attend dance, art and music classes, they have become so mechanical that they cannot appreciate a good art form even when they see it. Everything for them revolves around I, me, myself and for me!

Thats so very true Kalyani ! it has become a highly competitive society with absolutely no time for finer things in life.I remember relatives poking fun at me because my son was going for guitar classes when he was in Pre-university. According to them he was wasting his time instead of studying and going for tuition classes ... Sometimes, people do get carried away by such talk and try to do what others are doing!

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

This is something that most people forget ! They think that children are their extensions and have to do what they have not been able to achieve or left half way through...No wonder there are so many misunderstandings between parents and siblings ...

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

This is something that most people forget ! They think that children are their extensions and have to do what they have not been able to achieve or left half way through...No wonder there are so many misunderstandings between parents and siblings ...

Now the situation is changing a bit as parents have better understanding with their children and know their choices. They know going against their wishes would fetch no results.

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

This is something that most people forget ! They think that children are their extensions and have to do what they have not been able to achieve or left half way through...No wonder there are so many misunderstandings between parents and siblings ...

Now the situation is changing a bit as parents have better understanding with their children and know their choices. They know going against their wishes would fetch no results.

In a very small section of the society where people are more socially aware, but I see that in smaller towns and villages the mentality is very backward and narrow minded...

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

This is something that most people forget ! They think that children are their extensions and have to do what they have not been able to achieve or left half way through...No wonder there are so many misunderstandings between parents and siblings ...

Now the situation is changing a bit as parents have better understanding with their children and know their choices. They know going against their wishes would fetch no results.

In a very small section of the society where people are more socially aware, but I see that in smaller towns and villages the mentality is very backward and narrow minded...

I think this differs from area to area, in our areas people are liberal and understanding and do not interfere much with their children's wishes.

we guide our children from doing anything wrong.and they follow us.but we must also be very careful of doing anything wrong which can effect our child. as child follow what their elders do.we must give proper guidance to our child.so that in future they will become a good citizen.

Thats true, it is important to develop the right values as far as possible and at the same time not to be overbearing and be forceful in what we do.One must remember that they are children only for a very short period in their life ..I have seen in many households children becoming very vengeful because of childhood trauma that they have been subjected to ..

I think this is not fair to force our own wishes we could not complete for ourselves be fulfilled through our children. They have their own wishes, thinking and personalities.

This is something that most people forget ! They think that children are their extensions and have to do what they have not been able to achieve or left half way through...No wonder there are so many misunderstandings between parents and siblings ...

Now the situation is changing a bit as parents have better understanding with their children and know their choices. They know going against their wishes would fetch no results.

In a very small section of the society where people are more socially aware, but I see that in smaller towns and villages the mentality is very backward and narrow minded...

I think this differs from area to area, in our areas people are liberal and understanding and do not interfere much with their children's wishes.

That's good sunil, in my own town people are mostly educated and are quite modern in their outlook, but even with that there are bound to be pockets within the society where old fashioned ways are followed .It also a fear of losing your traditional identity that makes them hold on to certain beliefs and ways..

Brain of a child is made of mud. You need to give it a shape. Since child is male, they often try to pretend to be like his father. He becomes arrogant if you try to stop them. In this case both parents have drinking habits. They know they are doing something which is wrong. They don't want their child to do so. This is obvious. They should have secreatly consumed alchohol. It is their mistake. He has smoking habit also which is again their mistake.

You can check this situation if they want to do so. However they have themself given him permission to do so secretly. I don't understand their mind. It is very much annoying.

Brain of a child is made of mud. You need to give it a shape. Since child is male, they often try to pretend to be like his father. He becomes arrogant if you try to stop them. In this case both parents have drinking habits. They know they are doing something which is wrong. They don't want their child to do so. This is obvious. They should have secreatly consumed alchohol. It is their mistake. He has smoking habit also which is again their mistake.

I am not sure if that would have helped, if the child comes to know that his parents are consuming alcohol in stealth , but advising him not to so, he would lose all respect for them...It is better to be open about things and set an example,if you cannot do so, face the consequences ...

Brain of a child is made of mud. You need to give it a shape. Since child is male, they often try to pretend to be like his father. He becomes arrogant if you try to stop them. In this case both parents have drinking habits. They know they are doing something which is wrong. They don't want their child to do so. This is obvious. They should have secreatly consumed alchohol. It is their mistake. He has smoking habit also which is again their mistake.

I am not sure if that would have helped, if the child comes to know that his parents are consuming alcohol in stealth , but advising him not to so, he would lose all respect for them...It is better to be open about things and set an example,if you cannot do so, face the consequences ...

I agree. One of my friends consumed alcoholic drinks very frequently in his residence. Now he is retired. His sons have also turned drunkard and do nothing substantial. Consequently, the family is in financial difficulty. It is not possible to teach the children what you do not follow.

Brain of a child is made of mud. You need to give it a shape. Since child is male, they often try to pretend to be like his father. He becomes arrogant if you try to stop them. In this case both parents have drinking habits. They know they are doing something which is wrong. They don't want their child to do so. This is obvious. They should have secreatly consumed alchohol. It is their mistake. He has smoking habit also which is again their mistake.

I am not sure if that would have helped, if the child comes to know that his parents are consuming alcohol in stealth , but advising him not to so, he would lose all respect for them...It is better to be open about things and set an example,if you cannot do so, face the consequences ...

I agree. One of my friends consumed alcoholic drinks very frequently in his residence. Now he is retired. His sons have also turned drunkard and do nothing substantial. Consequently, the family is in financial difficulty. It is not possible to teach the children what you do not follow.

Social drinking is accepted now and most people have a glass of beer or a wine which is not harmful at all.The problem comes when people go overboard and do not know when to stop !